Psychiatric Needs
by csi-jess
Summary: No. I do not have father issues. I have Gibbs.The team need a shrink and the shrink certinly could do without them. Ducky IS UP. Now a chaptered story Oh and it's a TATE. That may or may not have Ziva in it? R
1. Abby Sciuto

**Disclaimer:** Do not own NCIS. 

I suppose you're going to ask me about my problems?

"Well……

It's not work…I know you must get a lot of people in here talking about their work. But not me. I love my work. It's intriguing, interesting and sometimes a little hinky, you know. Well I've worked there for about five years, hanging out in the lab, blasting music, slurping caff-pows.

No, I'm not escaping a traumatic past.

Why do I dress like this? I dress like this because I like to dress like this.

No. I do not have anger-management issues. I just like the clothes.

Hey that was uncalled for. I do have a social life. Ask the Nuns.

Anyway, my problems?

Nope. None that come to mind straight away. I'm just peachy.

Although….I do have one issue.

It's my colleagues. Caitlin Todd, A.K.A Best friend and Tony DiNozzo, A.K.A my big brother.

Yep. They work with me.

Oh, what's the problem?

It's nothing insanely huge or anything…I mean I love them and everything. But I wish they'd get together already. I mean they're insanely in love with each other. And both are too stubborn to admit to it. And Rule 12 doesn't help.

Rule 12. Oh that's my Boss's code of conduct. He's my silver haired fox.

No. I do not have father issues. I have Gibbs.

The point is Kate's infatuated with him. Whenever we go out he's all she ever talks about is his hair.

Or how he was talking about sex all day. She positively pines for him. And Tony. Well don't even get me started. He calls himself the 'Italian Stallion' And the only reason he talks about ladies 24/7 is because he wants her to notice. And Gibbs. He doesn't help the matter. Always giving slaps on the head.

No he doesn't assault us. He never does it to me. It's a sign of affection.

I swear I got on fine with my father, there's nothing whatsoever hinky between me and Gibbs. He's not degrading in any way. He's simply a figure we all respect.

What do I mean by he doesn't help the situation? Well he's an ex-marine. Who has a gruff exterior but deep, deep down inside I know he has a heart. That' the only reason he has his rules. Take number 12. Don't sleep with your colleagues. Or something like that. He only does it because he cares.

How certain am I?

I'm so certain I'd put my entire infectious disease anthology on it. And he doesn't want Kate or Tony getting hurt. We're like this slightly dysfunctional family and he's the dad. But just watching the way they flirt with each other is enough to make you want to slam there heads together and go 'KISS ALREADY!' But some sexual harassment lawyer would probably have something to say about that.

You see I see them watching each other across the bull-pen. And when we all go out for drinks. They're both dying to dance. Or my favourite on Tony's SIMS 2 game. They have twins. Jessica and Max. Now tell me they don't love each other.

No. I don't stalk them.

...Ok fine. Just once. Or twice. But that's beside the point.

Maybe you should be talking to them not me…I'm simply the innocent bystander who's forced to play cupid via divine intervention.

Yes. Goth's can believe in divine intervention. I bowl with nuns.

Anyway. I am positively sure they belong together. They've even slept at each others houses before. Sure it was because Tony had a gas leak. But that only lasted 4 days. He was there for a week.

Uh-huh. A week. Not that Kate knows that so. Shhhhh

You see, she's insecure. She comes off as strong and independent, but she's insecure. She needs assurance. Tony can give her that. He knows what she needs. He's special in his own way.

And he needs to be tamed. It's like dangling the meat in front of the lion. It gets all agitated then once it gets what it desires it settles down. It's petable. She's what he needs and he's what she needs.

They're both smart, funny and amazingly good at what they do.

Although they both carry guns.

There federal officers. They're not lab technicians.

Yes I work at NCIS.

No I do not work at the Washington Botanical Gardens….."

"Sorry Ms Sciuto. Our session has over run…. Can you send in the next person……"

**A/N: **Sorry that was slightly unusual. I was supposed to be doing an essay. But you know how mundane that is. So drop me a review and say if you want another chapter.. And thanks to artificially sweet for betaing.

Much love  
Jess xxx


	2. Leroy Jethro Gibbs

**Disclaimer: **DO NOT OWN CHARACTERS. Jeez I've said this how many times.

Why am I here? I don't know. I looked at my desk and the 15 post-its told me and my team to report here.

15 Post-its. If it weren't for the director I'd be in the field right now.

Yes. I enjoy field-work.

I build boats.

Boats. B-O-A-T-S. In my basement.

No, I do not shy away from social interaction because I am emotionally distant from all I could get close too.

An example? Abby. The woman in just before me.

I do not love Abby in a sexual way. She's like a daughter. And I don't know about you but where I grew up, incest was not apart of the curriculum.

This is not an issue we will be discussing.

I am certain.

I don't want to talk about anything. I don't talk about work outside of work, I don't talk about relationships. And no I don't distance myself from society.

I was a marine yes.

Why do I keep the hair cut? It saves on shampoo.

There is no reason I should worry about getting close to people in case they die. I trust my team explicitly. Abby, McGee, Ziva…….Kate and Tony.

I don't even know what pausing for dramatic effect is never mind using it. I paused because those two. Are well different from the others.

They're my original team. Before mossad liaisons and rookies from Nofolk. And they try to sneak around rule 12.

Yes I have rules. They keep things orderly.

For crying out loud I do not have OCD. I Build boats because I like too, I have a haircut like a marine because it saves on shampoo and I can do it myself. And I have rules because it enforces order and respect.

Rule 12 : Don't date your partner. Causes all sorts of messy problems.

I may speak from experience but I'd rather not disclose any evidence to you.

They look at each other slyly. The drool at each others bodies. Some more than others. Take DiNozzo. Can be a bit of an idiot when it comes to women but he treats Kate differently. I've seen the women come and go. Even Special Agents but with Kate he seems pretty fixated on her. And I feel if it weren't for rule 12 they would almost certainly be in bed together.

Am I deliberately enforcing rule 12 to prevent them seeking happiness. I can't say I am. It's for their safety, I couldn't imagine if anything happened to them.

You think I have a gruff exterior but a gooey core.

Damn Shrinks. Just like Ducky's always says: They'll find ways into your head then prod around for a little bit.

I am not going insane. I was talking too you not myself. And Ducky's my oldest friend. He's simply Ducky. He'd have his own species if he weren't the only one.

Why are you prying into my social life. I have already told you that I build boats in my basement.

I am not a socially inept male with no sense of style.

Damn shrinks. Taking an hour of my time to do bugger all.

A/N: That was pretty OOC I think. But heck tell me what you think as a lot of you already have. And thankyou so so so so so much for all the reviews. And my beta Artificiallysweet. Oh I turn 15 soon! FINALLY! And i just got my firt GCSE grade back! An A in science! So i'm happy which is why i wrote this! Anyhpw thanks for reading!  
Love and Peace  
Jess xx


	3. Dr Mallard

**Disclaimer: **DO NOT OWN CHARACTERS

Dr Mallard my dear. But you can call me Ducky.

It's been a nickname of mine since I was at Eton college. A rather dashing young man I was. I attended sessions with a beautiful psychiatrist much like yourself during my terms there. Of course she will have been deceased a number of years now. It was over forty years ago.

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. My ears are somewhat less in my old age.

Have there been any traumatic experiences in my past?

Well there was one time as a child. I was staying with my Aunt Bertha, as splendid a women as she was, my cousin left little to be desired. He let a ferocious Pit Bull loose on me in the garden. I'd count that as a rather traumatic experience.

I say Jethro may have a few he could tell you.

Ah Jethro, a strange fellow in many, but never the less he's good at what he does. It's never a boring day for me of Mr. Palmer so long as he has a case up his sleeve.

My relationship with him is somewhat uncanny. At times it can be a little stretched – but only in some dire circumstances. Say….Caffeine withdrawal. I can not say I understand his infatuation with that chemical. Or Abigail's for that matter.

But never mind me dear. What about yourself. I'm sure you have had a rather intriguing life. What with being a psychiatrist and all. I always fancied myself one. Helping my old college friends while we attended Edinburgh Medical School.

Oh I am dreadfully sorry. I know I am attending this session to help me but……

I dare say I do no know why I am in your presence. The director rounded up myself, Abigail, Jethro, Timothy, Ziva, Anthony and Caitlin and sent us here – with a threat of suspension if we were not to turn up.

Mind I am certain NCIS will be more than dull today. What with Jethro's team absent from the office. They are always up to something.

Take Anthony's teasing of poor Timothy. That is forever present in there rapidly expanding bull-pen.

And no my dear, this is not the only teasing. It seems young Anthony and Caitlin have been teasing each other in another, more sexual way.

They simply cannot control there biological urges. Much like some species of Spider – there bodies need for sexual intercourse leaves them to have multiple sexual partners before they get there specified prey…..

Is that all our time dear. Oh I am disappointed – I have much enjoyed your company.

Oh and dear I must apologies for Jethro's abrupt behavior. He cannot control himself sometimes.

**A/N: **I'm 15 today!!!!! At last. Anyway this is the next chapter and I can't thank you all enough for the reviews they've been amazing. So tell me what you think and thanks artificially sweet for correcting my awful grammar.

Love and Peace

Jess


	4. Timothy McGee

A/N: This is a bit late but here goes nothing.

Hey.

You've read my book.

Thanks I'm glad you liked it.

The acknowledgements, yeah Sara's my sister.

She's in college. English literature, she's amazing at it.

You want me to read it out.

Sure, erm 'To the people that inspired these characters. Without you life would be boring.'

Yes. I was referring to my colleagues.

They mean a lot to me. I doubt any of them read that. Although Kate, Abby and Ziva do look at me funny sometimes.

My relationships with them are not strained.

I'm sure.

Abby was sleeping at my house last week and Kate was sleeping the night before. Tony was sleeping on the table that night.

Why? It was an after-party. Gibbs came back from Mexico so we had a party. Officially it ended at midnight. Unofficially 5am. There was this game of spin the bottle.

We are not some form of drunken morons.

Your words not mine. Well I don't drink. That much. So I was semi-sober when everyone else was off their nut. So the bottle landed on Tony. On Kate's turn.

I am the only one that remembers this.

I think Gerald was passed out at the door actually. Either way they kissed. And it wasn't just one of those short pecks that usually come when you're forced to kiss. It was an actually make out session. Abby kissed me that night.

I do not go dreary eyed.

I do not have sexual feelings for Abby.

I sure. Sort of. Oh I don't know. Why would a nice self respecting goth like herself. Like me a computer nerd from MIT.

You think so. So I should just ask her?

Oh God I hope your right.

Gibbs and Tony may have something to say about that though.

Their like her body guards. And Kate's the sister/best friend. You know like the whole you hurt her. I hunt you down. That's there relationship.

I would never hurt any of them. Although if the opportunity arose. I could possibly push Tony into poison ivy. That I could live with.

I am not passive aggressive.

At least I don't think I am.

Ziva's just aggressive. No doubt about it. But I'm sure I heard from Jules. The receptionist – that she was crying one time.

What I don't understand is that Tony never called her probie. Mind you, she'd probably slaughter him. But he never called Kate probie either

He' feels threatened.

Yeah. I like that idea. I like it a lot.

A/N: Well that's that done for now. Dont' think it's the best one i've ever done. But all the same. Let me know what you think R&R. And tell me who you want next. And thanks so much for all the reviews i cant' thank you all enough!Oh and thanks to artificiallysweet for betaing.  
I love ya all loads!

Love and Peace  
Jess


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